You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
