so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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