Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
