i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
