I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
