Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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