I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
