i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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