While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize