well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
