my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
