I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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