i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
