I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
