You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
