based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
