Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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