I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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