You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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