So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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