it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
