she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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