i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
