My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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