There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
