I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
