He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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