i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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