So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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