If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
