New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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