Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
