fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We need to get me chipped asap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
