This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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