dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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