I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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