Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
