so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
