My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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