We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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