I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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