Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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