Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
