My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
