i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
