Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
