im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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