I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
