I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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