I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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