is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
