just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
