You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
