Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize