I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
