Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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