She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize