My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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