My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
