ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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