I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
