i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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