So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
