No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
