soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
