My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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