At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
