I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize