Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
