im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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