She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
