Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize