i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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