someone threw a dead crab at me
her vagine was all disorganized.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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